Saturday, October 3, 2015

A letter to Love #1

Dear Love,

I hope this letter finds you doing find because lately you've been on my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find you again but sometimes I can't seem to care anymore. The first time I saw you I was 16. That might have been your twin lust, but still it could have been you. Either way I'm not sure anymore. This is the beginning of the letter and I already sound like I'm accusing you. I'm sorry.

You sure did a dirty, dirty thing. I was fine without you, just moseying along. You came and took three years of my time. I never knew I could do so much stupid and wonderful things until I met you. You thought me loyalty, pain, joy, sadness, hate and so many other things, but most importantly you thought me courage. I almost could kiss you and slap you at the same time.

After those three years, I had to learn how to live without you. I even wondered what I did wrong to cause you to leave. But I understand now that I couldn't make you stay where you weren't meant to be. I was forcing you. Trying to change you. Did that hurt you? You could have told me. At least that is what I believe. Maybe that wasn't even the problem and I am just here, overthinking things. But I take this time apart as a growth process. A process to see if I can make it alone. The Funny thing is, it was way easier when I was 16, but I think I can do it now. Took me 5 long years, but yeah, I can make it now. When you join one thing with another it becomes one. There is then not one without the other and when you decided to leave I felt cut in half. Can you imagine me, before you? Probably like a fondling ay?

I've had some come cloaked as you, telling me to take another chance on you, that you've changed, but they don't understand. When I saw you back then, when we were together I understood how you thought, how you grew and what I am seeing now is not you. So no, I'm not going to settle for impostors. I want you to meet me at my door. Probably with an identity card. You know where I live.

I'm picky, I'm picky, I'm picky and that's because I don't want to make a mistake in thinking I've found you again, so don't leave that card at home.

I wish you had a picture so I can identify you when I see you again. It has been so long. You've probably transformed into Love 2.0. That would sure be some Sci-fi type crap.  Is your hair long, black and silky or is it cropped close to your head? Do you wear a man bun? How tall are you now anyone? I don't even know those simple things. Are you dark, light or (gasp) white? That would be such a shock to me but hey I'm trying not to be too picky anymore. 

Until next time.

Your past and future lover,


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