Sunday, January 26, 2014

Journal:Life as a broke student,trying to succeed...does it really get better.

       In primary school, my 6th grade teacher asked us in passing "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Of course, me being the jokester that I was at the time, I said "A basketball player". You did not want to be me when everyone saw that. I do have the height and I love the sport for fun but that is not a career I saw myself doing long term. The last year of primary school was the best of my life. My sis and I moved to the same island my mom was on. Met my our best friend Petina and we become a "circle" of three.haha

Skipping over that little lulu in my life, we ended up in a public high school in Provo and to tell you the truth, it wasn't exactly my best five years but I wouldn't change those years for anything. My mom put to my sister and I this simple question "Do you want to go to public or private school?" To some that would have been a hard question but to me that was a question where I looked at my mom like 'Are you serious, I can get a education in any environment you put me in'. Things back then was so tight, living with a single parent who had 4 children to take care of. My older brother didn't actually count because he was on his own by then(My stinky butt, cool, oldest brother Levy who talks a lot of crap when he is on a roll). Public schools get a lot of bad rap in most countries but my I lived on this motto. "It isn't the school you are in, it is what you do there that describes your time there."  I started my first year of school kind of slow with my school work, but one good thumping from my mom got me back there. lol. (Just joking). It was the fact that I was disappointing her while she was trying so hard that made me decide within myself to try harder. My grades weren't always consistent but by year 3 I was hitting a steady achievable grade for myself. My high school years hit a lot of high and low notes but the really lowering one was my trouble with learning. No one knew this except for my sister Dee.(That why she hits me or ask me at different intervals if I am paying attention to the teacher) Most teachers would find it difficult to keep my attention in class and in class readings. I did not have any reading problems but I found myself not actually holding onto thing I had just read. The really saving turning point in High School was when I entered my Social Studies class and met my teacher Ms.Shaw. She was able to catch my attention by actual interaction with the class which in turn was also a interaction to me. She would constantly talk and talk but not in a drone way that kept me fading out but in a way that pins the words to a student ears. By the end of that class, I ended up with a 1. 

 I met a boat load of people there and some that I still keep in touch with. 

When I graduated High School I wanted to go abroad to attend Culinary School, which some of my friends already know, but things could not be so. I ping ponged around College with doing a degree that I didn't even want and it was trying for me. Creativity is what I do and my sister reinstates that fact by calling me MacGyver. haha. A name I have taken too. Of course my family has nicknamed her Crimson after "The Fairy Odd Parents".  

Back to what I was saying! I had lost interest in college but my mom wanted me to finish school and then work. Only thing that was going through my mind was "I need to make money to follow my dreams". Let me just say that I do not regret what she said because I love here with all my heart and I understand the fact that she wanted me not to fall by the wayside from one job to another and not having a degree to fall on. I spent 2 years at college and amounted to my name 60 credits. I did not attend graduation or even ask about it because I was looking ahead to my next two years and also I could not afford to even pay for it. 

My sister and I tracked our way to Florida and let me tell you!! It was not a easy time. We tried school after school. My sister at nursing schools and me at Culinary Arts. We tried avenue after avenue. My mom wasn't there.It was just my sister and I. No family help, other than my mom. I was scared, I was adventurous but I was also learning about life. Every school we went to was either to high costing or they told us we had to many technical subjects. I was like "You got to be joking!!". haha. One lady even suggested to my mom on a visit that she should marry and then get us straight. I was contemplating violence at that point. I know people have to do what they have to do but if my mom decides to get marry again, one day, it will be for love and it will be centered around God in our family. You marry her, you marry the  

Some people would say, what about scholarships. Baby doll! let me tell you, we tried that route. People try to have a morale that varies on different things but I grew up with a view of being honest with others people that comes across me in their lives, being legitimate to myself and to others and doing what would have me looking back with a clear conscience.

In 2010 or was it 2011? we moved back home and were trying to figure out what path to take. I wanted to give up so bad and just close of to the world and for the first few months I did. But my mom put that drive back in me by telling me to search and search and we did just that. We sat down one day and typed in "Cheapest schools in the world". haha. True tale. China was our first hit and I turned to my sis and asked "How fast do you think we could learn Chinese?". She was like "Not too fast, we're still trying to learn Spanish." 

We found Memorial University of Newfoundland and even though it didn't have the degree in what I wanted to do, which is Culinary Arts, I used my Business Administration credits and what do you know? We got accepted. We jumped for joy, did some Rocky fist pumps and then set back down. Everything from then seemed to be going well until it was time for our medical and we found out my sis had to go in the hospital for surgery.(I want to thank Dr.Menzie for actually catching onto something and referring us to Dr.Perry) At that point I wanted to cry. My twin, my best friend, my confidant was to have surgery. We felt that blow to our dreams like a brick. We questioned God many times, Why can't we just catch a break? Why can't we be like some people, why did Sailor Moon come of Tv(lol), why don't we have a dad that they could turn to for help, why can't we be rich(I threw that one in there but I am happy with a normal why can't we just catch a flipping break at least once in our lives? People please don't do like uwe did and question God. Sometimes you may find a deep hole but the hole isn't always a deep as many others. Don't let it reach that far.

When we ended up in Dr.Perry office. The first thing I asked was "How soon can you get her up and out?"  Because the deadline was ticking and that was our chance. They told us that she might not be able to take the surgery now. Of course, people who know me know that I am a persuader, I stated my case like Tom Cruise in 'A Few Good Men", and thank God she heard our plea.

I was scared for my sister, my mom was scared and I knew my sister was too. Surgery was something neither of us had ever done. My mom took days off and spent every tiring day there, even waiting out those surgery doors. My aunt Sis even waited with her. (A thank you to her)

I would like to also thank the hospital staff because I spent every day from sun up to sun down sitting by my sister bedside, in that small chair (Im 5'11), in that cold A/C (I had only a small coat) just watching her when she was sleeping and encouraging her to get up soon, because we still have dreams to see to and goals to accomplish. I literally didn't even move one step out of that room other than to get my sis whatever she needed or wanted, a). because I didn't want to disturb the other patients in the other rooms and b) I know they were doing us a big favour. I even ate the hospital food. haha. It is actually good.

When she left there, we were back on track. We got our student Visa, Dee was recovering good, and then we left for our very first time ever entering Canada. We had never even stepped a toenail inside of Canada and there we went like 'Little House on the Prairie' children prancing through the big bad world on our mother dime.

Here we go in Business again, this time passing every course (Math caught me up. I always need help on that one), me trying to keep my attention from drifting off in big classes, getting lost on buses, standing on uncovered sidewalks waiting for the bus in the snow. (I actual like the snow, not the ice slippery sidewalks)

Year one passes, Year two comes but what do you know. Back to square one. Money. How am I going to survive when prices are rising? When money is getting tight and planning has to be put into action, where do I begin with that action? I can tell you that the life of a student isn't easy one bit. Whoever said life was easy anyway! If you know who, send me a comment on the person and I will check see if they are lying. I don't, and never expected life to be easy because what is life without tales of overcoming? Where do you think life movies and self help books come from? Life experiences. Everything we are is a factor of how we go through life.

Money that my mom works for goes into food and bills. That is it. That is all I want it to be right now. I don't want to max out her and our resources on meaningless things. I do whatever it is to save and sometimes missing meals, not buying the stuff you need, etc can derail you but that is something I have been willing to do while I decide what changes are to be made in 2014...

So today after sharing what my student life is, I have decided to not give up on my dreams and goals but to succeed in them. During the summer I might make the decision to return home and try online schooling. I am not looking to have handouts or to weigh on anyones shoulders. I am looking to be a better me in 2015.I am looking to do what I said I was going to do in High School and I am marking that date of completion as 2016. I might even decide to make blogging a small part of my sis and I lives and getting IslandGurlz3900 out as a household name. Why 'IslandGurlz3900' people may ask? Dee thought of it and I said "sure, whatever you choose." Lol. So ask her.

Last words to you.

Don't let life be the deciding factor in what can and cannot be done. Don't sit back and expect other people to take over the steering wheel of your car. Sometimes we may dent our cars, get cracks in the windshields and God forbid wreck it. But those events do not decide how you will remember it.

Quote that I remember everytime I get discouraged.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

D.H Lawrence

                                               A photo taken by Dede

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